When people ask how Darryl and I met, I can't wait to see their expressions. Gasps, and the dropping of jaws are usually accompanied with questions like "Are you serious?, How long were you on the app?” So I'll give you the details!
I was on tinder for approximately 18 days, a little shy of three weeks. The first week was basically an ego booster. I was working a lot... like a lot a lot with little to no time for male interaction let alone dating. Needless to say hearing the "it's a match" notification twenty times in an hour was music to my ears LOL. I like to think of my experience as Goldie Locks and the Three Bears. Three dates and one turned out just right.
DISCLAIMER: I thought that Tinder was an actual dating site– like eharmony and Christian Mingle. I DID NOT REALIZE that people had other intentions. I found out sooner than later just exactly what it was all about starting with date #1. I've changed their names except for Darryl's because... well... they lost and he didn't. No I'm just kidding it's 100% for privacy purposes.
Date #1: Joey, yea that's a good name.. Joey had a great profile picture and seemed pretty nice over the phone so I decided to take him up on his offer to meet for drinks one Sunday afternoon in the financial district. I was bored to DEATH after only ONE amaretto sour. Not only was he narcissistic, but he couldn't hold a decent conversation if it was sitting in his lap. He wasn't even from New York (he lied on his app *sarcastic gasp). Joey taught me that everyone on Tinder was not looking for a soul mate. He clearly wanted an "excuse" to come to the city and a place to stay. I barely had a place to stay lol (with my $500 a month bedroom in the BX). He actually stayed in Virginia with his parents and worked in New Jersey.. talk about all over the place. He offered to drive me home, I took the train.
Date #2: This is a good one... like Cosmopolitan worthy. I had recently run into a prophet on the street in Brooklyn (please stop laughing). The prophet told me that he knew I had been going through a hard time and that my life would change for the better on August 1st. GUESS WHEN THIS DATE WAS? Yep... 8/1/2015.. Who meets a man in New York from Mississippi, handsome with a great job? What are the chances?
We met for brunch so I knew he was into something a little more serious than the "other"(the word other in this post is referencing opportunities for promiscuous advancements). From brunch we went to Central Park, from there the movies, we then met up with some other Mississippians at a club. Tyson... yea let's call him Tyson. So Tyson had an open tab at the bar. A hour in, I started getting drinks for the both of us (trying to show my caring side-even though it was his tab). There was a guy at the bar who kept INSITING that he would buy me a drink and I continued to decline his offer. I don't know for sure but I have this theory that the guy may have put something in Tyson's drink- assuming it was mine. I say this because he literally went from 0 to super drunk/could barely walk in like 20 minutes and it wasn't like he had a ton of drinks. I got him to a taxi and he mumbled out his address. I helped him to the place he was staying and went to use the restroom. When I walked out of the bathroom... I smelled the most awful stench! I looked down to see if I had stepped in dog poo but my shoes were clean. I looked around the room and realized that he had taken a large drunken sh&% on the nightstand and apparently wiped himself with his comforter as it was wrapped around him covered in feces. What did I do? I stayed... I stayed because this was not the man that I met at Brunch or frolicked with through Central Park! I stayed because I was 23 and the last person he was seen with! I was scared he would die and I would be the suspect. I had to stay and keep him alive! I slept on the couch and woke up around 5:30ish to him peeing in the same corner that he had his bowel movement in. I left... and met back up with him that day for lunch LOL. I was 23... geesh.. give me a break. My friends and I refer to him as the sh&%ter.
#3 "How Goes the Day? That's what Darryl inboxed me after he got the notification that I liked him back. Listen.. if nothing else gets my attention.. some medieval renessaince foolery will... I LOVE THAT! I swiped right with Darryl not because he was attractive (He is a FINE.. Morris chestnut looking type of brother). What caught my eye was his loooooong paragraph about how women don't really want relationships anymore and blah blah Blah.
He talked about how he was God fearing and ready to settle down and I thought to myself... "Hmmm he seems super nice like "friend box" nice, but maybe that's what I need." Now if you've read "Leap of Faith" you know that I was over the Fboys, and though Tyson has now settled down with a wife, he was the epitome of the same Fboys that I had left in MS. On our first date Darryl took me to Texas de Brazil and y'all I ate like I was in a hotdog contest at the county fair. I felt so comfortable with him like he was designed for me.
To all my single ladies (all the single ladies),I hope you noticed some key things in each date story.
#1 Lies might look cute but they are STILL LIES... (Too Cold)
#2 If someone shows you their sh&%.. believe it and LEAVE IT (Too Hot)
#3 The nice ones are the ones you deserve. So don't be too quick to roll your eyes and call him corny. His little jokes and efforts just might sweep you off your feet. (Just Right)
*Some other tips include: Not swiping guys who have Pizza slice emojis in their bios. Stay away from skydiving profile pics and those who don't show their facebook or IG feed! You're Welcome.