Happy Friday! I try to provide you all with realistic and honest information. Relationships are a part of all of our lives in various forms. Well let me tell ya, all day,everyday... over here... is not always sunshine and unicorns. However, the goal for us and I hope for you as well, is to solve the issue and get back to the unicorns (the good times).
Quick Disclaimer: I am not by any means a counselor or therapist. (But I know I've been changed by the blood of the lamb because Alex circa' cash money records for the 99 and 2000 would have rolled her eyes at the thought of a resolve.)
So here they are:
When you are annoyed or upset with someone it's typical that during a discussion you form rebuttals. Even if I wasn't saying the rebuttals aloud you better believe they were running through my head like a river stream! While the dialogue would continue in my head I caught myself holding my breath, waiting for the chance to chime in with the most powerful high pitch tone from the depths of my soul! Then I started breathing. I found through breathing I developed better listening. The rebuttals in my mind were still present but I wasn't concerned about the timing (and who can say an F Bomb or anything for that matter if you're Inhaling through your nose and exhaling out your mouth).
2. Bite Your Lip
Growing up in the south I heard the phrase "You better hold your tongue" so many times (not necessarily directed to me lol, but you get the gist). Well I took it a bit further and began to bite my lip causing me to physically keep my mouth shut lol (which may be the only way possible when "I'm right"). I probably have little microscopic holes in my lips from the many times I have followed the advice of thinking before I speak. It's helped me in other relationships to. I'm not saying to keep your feelings to yourself. Your feelings and thoughts are valid but biting your lip does give you time to organize your delivery.
Tip:If you do it correctly it can be a great distraction to the opponent.
It may seem easy to scream and yell followed by venting to friends, families even strangers on the subway (pre COVID). The truth is, screaming nor venting to people can make a difference, at least not a long lasting one. Plus when you tell others about your issues and then make up with your significant other– your family and friends will still side eye your partner post reconciliation (trust me I'm still side eyeing some folks). Talking to THE ONE who created your partner is just like taking an iPhone to the Genius Bar. You wouldn't take your iPhone to a shoe cobbler. The cobbler might have a phone similar to yours but know nothing about the insides and outsides, the issues or the capabilities needed to fix your phone. Sometimes I chuckle during an argument but it's not that I'm taking it less seriously. I'm usually thinking, "Ooooo I can't wait to tell on you" then I go right to the Lord in prayer and spill all the tea!
Listen, this didn't happen over night! All of those 2018 blogs and some of the 2019 were pre Breathe, Bite and Pray. This is a continuous practice but I have found that making up with Darryl is so much easier without all of the harsh words and trauma. We learned as kids that if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all. Or... you can Breathe, Bite and Pray.
Let me know how it goes!